How to talk to an employee about substance and gambling problems?
The necessary conversation
If you are worried that an employee may be developing an alcohol, substance use or gambling problem, you as their immediate manager need to carry out what we call the necessary conversation. This is a conversation where you tell them that you are worried. If there are specific incidents or changes you have noticed, you need to say so. Describe what you have observed and base the conversation on facts, without claiming to know what the problem is.
The first conversation is not about getting admissions, but about showing that you care and want to understand. We often expect a little too much, and if things don't go as hoped, many feel the conversation has failed. Instead, think of the first conversation as the start of a process, where the most important thing is to say that you are worried about your employee based on the changes you have observed.
Before the conversation - prepare well
- What is the goal? The first conversation is often the start of a process – do not expect all the answers right away. The most important thing is to say that you are worried.
- What changes have you observed? Note down specific examples of changes in absence, behaviour or work performance. Describe – do not accuse.
- Stick to the facts. Your role is not to define the problem, but to raise the changes you have seen.
Digital adviser
The video below helps you prepare for the conversation. Click through the questions in the interactive video and get tips to what you can do (the video is in Norwegian).
Do you need more knowledge and practical training? Sign up for a course and become confident in carrying out a conversation with an employee you are worried about: Fra bekymring til handling - conversation training for managers (course in Norwegian)
How to carry out the conversation
Be specific – state clearly what you have observed.
Listen actively – ask open questions and leave room for answers.
Show care, do not accuse – use “I have noticed that...” rather than “you are doing...”
Take a break if the conversation gets stuck or becomes emotionally charged.
If you meet resistance
If you meet resistance, it is often due to fear of consequences, pride or shame. It may also be because the concern was presented as an accusation.
Resistance – If the employee dismisses your concern, do not push. Stick to what you have observed, and let them reflect further.
Shame – If the employee becomes defensive or withdraws, show understanding and stress that the conversation is about care, not punishment.
Strong emotional reactions – Some people may become angry or upset. If emotions run high, it can be wise to take a break and resume the conversation later.
Remember: even if the person does not admit to a problem, the conversation has created awareness and reflection. This can take you further in the next conversation.
End the conversation well
- Summarise what you have talked about.
- Agree on a follow-up conversation – follow-up is important!
- Consider whether you should seek advice from someone before the next conversation.
Would you like to talk to one of our advisers before having the conversation?
Call our helpline on +47 22 40 28 00, or send us a direct message.
